drownedinlight (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
drownedinlight) wrote2011-03-12 10:25 pm
drownedinlight) wrote2011-03-12 10:25 pm
Entry tags:
When Needed Part 5
A moment which was entirely ruined with Arcadia felt spit fly into her ear. She turned, and grabbed whoever it was, her other fist raised in the air.
“Whoa! Arcadia calm down it was just a raspberry!” Arcadia lowered her fist when she realized it was aimed at Ash. “I thought you were working today?”
“We were dismissed early because it was counselor orientation today,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“Roland and I were just hanging out and decided to get some food,” Ash said. Arcadia shrugged, and turned back to Marlowe.
“Marlowe, this is Ash Lowden, Ash this is Marlowe Sheppard. We met at the camp—he just moved here and is going to go to school with us this year.” Marlowe offered out his hand, which Ash slapped with a low five.
“Cool, hey, I told Roland I’d order the subs, but I’ll be back out in a second. And he should be coming up soon. He just had to find a place to park.” As Ash walked into the deli to order his subs, Arcadia tried to smile at least a small smile at Marlowe.
“Sorry, it’s just how my friends are and well we’re a group who supports each other and stuff, and that kind of leads to us being together whenever we see each other. I realized that this must seem like kind of a lousy date now.”
“No, it’s cool,” Marlowe said. “I mean, technically, I didn’t ask you on a date, and I mean, you are the first official person I have introduced myself to, so making some more friends could be a good thing. And it gives me an excuse to ask you out to dinner tomorrow night where we can hopefully be more alone and you know actually have a date.”
“That sounds good,” Arcadia said. “So, was that your actual proposal, for the date, and now you want me to say yes or…?”
“Arcadia would you like to go out with me tomorrow night?” Marlowe asked.
“I would love to,” she replied. Out of the corner of her eye, Arcadia saw Roland and before he had the chance to do anything, she pushed his face away. “Don’t even try it!”
“Damn, Ash already tried surprising you.” He pulled out on the chairs and moved to sit down, before turning to Marlow and offering out his hand. “Hi I’m Roland.”
“Marlowe nice to meet you.”
“So, where did Cadia dig you up from?” Roland asked.
“Well, as of about an hour ago we are both officially employees at the same camp,” Marlowe explained, as he crumpled his parchment paper into a small ball. Arcadia looked down to his still mostly complete sandwich an asked,
“How is it boys are able to eat so much and hold conversation at the same time?”
“Well, we are naturally talented at such a feet, and have mastered speaking with our mouths full,” Marlowe exclaimed. “And you did have a lot of time to chew when I was talking that you did not take advantage of.”
“Oh how you illuminate the world,” Arcadia replied.
“I’ve got the subs!” Ash declared, as he played a wrapped sub and a soda in front of Roland, before moving around the table to the only free chair. “So what’s everyone talking about?”
“World domination,” Marlowe replied before anyone could.
“Personally, I prefer the Xanatos over anything else,” Roland added, nodding slowly as he spoke
“But there are other gambits that just have so much more to offer,” Arcadia retorted.
“Nothing has more to offer than the Xanatos Gambit,” Roland told her.
“You’re all weirdos,” Ash said, taking a bite out of his food.
Arcadia returned home shortly after one, once she had dropped Marlowe off.
“I’ll call you,” he promised when they exchanged numbers. “We’ll talk tonight about tomorrow night?”
“Sure,” she had said with a bright smile.
“You look happy,” her mother commented as she walked in the kitchen.
“I might have met a guy at the counselor orientation, and we kind of went to lunch,” Arcadia explained. “He seems really cool and he asked me out for tomorrow night.”
“Wow, that’s a heck of a way to get a date,” her mother replied. “With your dad, he just asked me out the second week of freshman year and we’ve been together ever since.” Arcadia tried to resist rolling her eyes; she had heard this story ever since she came of a dateable age and her parents had attempted to convince her to wait until her one true love to try anything at all. “Anyway, I’m going grocery shopping, would you like to come?”
“I think I’ll pass,” Arcadia replied. “I just want some time to myself for a little while. Ash and Rolo crashed lunch so, I’ve been around a lot of people today.”
“Yeah, okay, I understand sweetie, and we can talk more about your boy tonight when the guys aren’t around.” Her mom smiled. “Would you feel up to a little girl time?”
“Sure!” Arcadia chirped. “We could go see a chick flick.”
“Now you’re talking. All right, well, I shouldn’t be gone for more than an hour. If I am, call me and tell me to stop shopping.” Arcadia laughed as her mom walked to the door. “Bye sweetie.”
“Bye mom!”
Arcadia treaded up the stairs softly and slowly, replaying the scene that had just happened in her head. Why was she stuck on repeat? Did a simple exchange between her and her mother really matter so much? Well, it did. It made what she had been telling herself over the past couple of weeks, what she had assured Maris of, and her family of too, really come to life inside of her head. The idea bloomed like a flower from a weed: she really did love her family, and they really did love her.
She collapsed back onto her bed, and turned to look at the mirror standing across from the bed. Her red hair spread out like fire on water against the blue duvet.
So what her parents and brother had brown hair and she had red. It should not matter so much, but it did. Somehow it never quite left her conscious thought and it was always there in the back of her head. She was simply different and there was no changing it. But it should not matter, because she really did love her family, and they really did love her.
“Do I care?” she asked to her empty room. “Do I really care enough to try and find my birth family and possibly hurt the one that I’ve had all my life?”
Arcadia rolled away from the mirror and squeezed her eyes shut. “Dear God, help me decide this.” She thought it couldn’t be as simple as talking to them, because telling them she had changed her mind and possibly wasn’t okay with being adopted would just hurt everyone, and she didn’t think she could hurt them like that. But she would have to eventually, right, especially if she found her family. But if it didn’t matter that much, because they all loved each other…then maybe she should not try to begin with. She rolled to her back, opening her eyes to stare at the ceiling. “Send me a sign, please, and help me out here, would you?”
Yes, okay, she would leave up to providence to help her decide what exactly to do. She would not go looking for the family she had never known, without a sign to do so, or without a great need burning up inside her chest, eating her alive. And if she did receive some kind of sign, then well, then she would tell her parents and her brother that she wanted to go looking for the people her made her, just to see, just to ask, just to know why she was there, just to know who she really was at the core of herself.
Her mother’s grocery run had turned out to be unnecessary, as they ordered Chinese found before Arcadia and her mother decided to go out to see a movie and grab some ice cream.
“So tell me about this boy you’re going on a date with?” her mother asked, licked a cone as they walked from the ice cream shop to the theatre nearby.
“Well, he’s tall, dark and handsome…oh my gosh, I just realized that when Maris left she said I was going to meet a guy I would like who’d be tall dark and handsome!” Arcadia exclaimed. “Anyway, though, he seems really sweet and he says that he really likes kids, so I guess that’s a good sign.”
“It’s always a good sign when a man is kind to something smaller and less powerful than he is,” her mother said. Edith smiled at her daughter, “So, do you really like him?”
“I guess, for what I know about him. I mean I did only meet him today. I guess I’ll have to see once I get to know him a little bit more.” Arcadia stopped short as she noticed a car pull into the movie theatre parking lot. She squinted, trying to better identify the driver, and groaned when she finally did. “Hey Mom, can we cut the movie short?”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“Um, you remember Lux Harris, the girl I don’t really like? Yeah, she just drove up, and I don’t really want to deal with her right now, and we’re probably going to go and see the same movie.” Arcadia found herself gripped by the shoulders, and her mother pulled her in for a hug.
“Hey, listen, you don’t have to deal with her tonight, and whatever movie she buys a ticket for, we won’t go to that one, it’s fine.” Arcadia pulled back and smiled at her mother.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“No problem, baby, that’s what I’m here for.”
Lux was still waiting in line at the box office when they were able to walk up, and they clearly heard her order tickets for the chick flick they had been planning to see.
“I’ll rain check you for later,” Arcadia whispered. But when Lux turned, she scoffed.
“Well, well, well, look who it is, the weirdest girl in school.”
“You know, that isn’t even that great of an insult,” Arcadia retorted.
“That’s nice, but I’m not the lesbian here,” Lux retorted. “So, why don’t you just go back to gay town where you came from.”
“Hey some people may not appreciate you using lesbian as a derogatory term,” said a guy waiting in line.
“Like who?” Lux retorted.
“Like maybe actual women who are lesbians, you crude little bitch,” he said. Arcadia and a good few people in line snorted and snickered at this.
“Whatever, I don’t have to take this,” she scoffed and walked into the theatre.
“Oh, I have to call up some people from high school and ask if I was that bad back then,” Edith said.
“I’m sure you weren’t,” Arcadia said, before turning around to face the guy behind them. “Hey, thanks for the support.” She offered out her hand, which he shook vigorously.
“No problem; unfortunately, there are always girls like that. She always that much of a bitch?”
“Yes, but it brings me some satisfaction to know that her gaydar is terrible.” He quirked an eyebrow beneath his dark bangs that nearly covered his eyes.
“What with you?”
“Well, with me, and the guys she tries to bag sometimes.” He mirrored her wicked grin.
“Ouch, you’ll definitely have to let me know how that goes.”
“So, Cadi, which movie do you want to see?” her mom asked, pulling her away from her conversation.
“Oh you can pick Mom, I don’t mind,” Arcadia replied.
“Two for Sky-Rocket, then please,” her mother said to the woman behind the glass.
“Hey, I’ve heard that’s going to be good,” the guy said. “I’ll catch you inside?” he asked.
“Um, sure,” she replied.
“Cool, see you there, Cadi.” Her mother began giggling before they even made it inside the theatre.
“Shh!” Arcadia exclaimed, gripping her mother’s hand tightly.
3/12/11 WC: 2027
Piece WC: 9460
“Whoa! Arcadia calm down it was just a raspberry!” Arcadia lowered her fist when she realized it was aimed at Ash. “I thought you were working today?”
“We were dismissed early because it was counselor orientation today,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“Roland and I were just hanging out and decided to get some food,” Ash said. Arcadia shrugged, and turned back to Marlowe.
“Marlowe, this is Ash Lowden, Ash this is Marlowe Sheppard. We met at the camp—he just moved here and is going to go to school with us this year.” Marlowe offered out his hand, which Ash slapped with a low five.
“Cool, hey, I told Roland I’d order the subs, but I’ll be back out in a second. And he should be coming up soon. He just had to find a place to park.” As Ash walked into the deli to order his subs, Arcadia tried to smile at least a small smile at Marlowe.
“Sorry, it’s just how my friends are and well we’re a group who supports each other and stuff, and that kind of leads to us being together whenever we see each other. I realized that this must seem like kind of a lousy date now.”
“No, it’s cool,” Marlowe said. “I mean, technically, I didn’t ask you on a date, and I mean, you are the first official person I have introduced myself to, so making some more friends could be a good thing. And it gives me an excuse to ask you out to dinner tomorrow night where we can hopefully be more alone and you know actually have a date.”
“That sounds good,” Arcadia said. “So, was that your actual proposal, for the date, and now you want me to say yes or…?”
“Arcadia would you like to go out with me tomorrow night?” Marlowe asked.
“I would love to,” she replied. Out of the corner of her eye, Arcadia saw Roland and before he had the chance to do anything, she pushed his face away. “Don’t even try it!”
“Damn, Ash already tried surprising you.” He pulled out on the chairs and moved to sit down, before turning to Marlow and offering out his hand. “Hi I’m Roland.”
“Marlowe nice to meet you.”
“So, where did Cadia dig you up from?” Roland asked.
“Well, as of about an hour ago we are both officially employees at the same camp,” Marlowe explained, as he crumpled his parchment paper into a small ball. Arcadia looked down to his still mostly complete sandwich an asked,
“How is it boys are able to eat so much and hold conversation at the same time?”
“Well, we are naturally talented at such a feet, and have mastered speaking with our mouths full,” Marlowe exclaimed. “And you did have a lot of time to chew when I was talking that you did not take advantage of.”
“Oh how you illuminate the world,” Arcadia replied.
“I’ve got the subs!” Ash declared, as he played a wrapped sub and a soda in front of Roland, before moving around the table to the only free chair. “So what’s everyone talking about?”
“World domination,” Marlowe replied before anyone could.
“Personally, I prefer the Xanatos over anything else,” Roland added, nodding slowly as he spoke
“But there are other gambits that just have so much more to offer,” Arcadia retorted.
“Nothing has more to offer than the Xanatos Gambit,” Roland told her.
“You’re all weirdos,” Ash said, taking a bite out of his food.
Arcadia returned home shortly after one, once she had dropped Marlowe off.
“I’ll call you,” he promised when they exchanged numbers. “We’ll talk tonight about tomorrow night?”
“Sure,” she had said with a bright smile.
“You look happy,” her mother commented as she walked in the kitchen.
“I might have met a guy at the counselor orientation, and we kind of went to lunch,” Arcadia explained. “He seems really cool and he asked me out for tomorrow night.”
“Wow, that’s a heck of a way to get a date,” her mother replied. “With your dad, he just asked me out the second week of freshman year and we’ve been together ever since.” Arcadia tried to resist rolling her eyes; she had heard this story ever since she came of a dateable age and her parents had attempted to convince her to wait until her one true love to try anything at all. “Anyway, I’m going grocery shopping, would you like to come?”
“I think I’ll pass,” Arcadia replied. “I just want some time to myself for a little while. Ash and Rolo crashed lunch so, I’ve been around a lot of people today.”
“Yeah, okay, I understand sweetie, and we can talk more about your boy tonight when the guys aren’t around.” Her mom smiled. “Would you feel up to a little girl time?”
“Sure!” Arcadia chirped. “We could go see a chick flick.”
“Now you’re talking. All right, well, I shouldn’t be gone for more than an hour. If I am, call me and tell me to stop shopping.” Arcadia laughed as her mom walked to the door. “Bye sweetie.”
“Bye mom!”
Arcadia treaded up the stairs softly and slowly, replaying the scene that had just happened in her head. Why was she stuck on repeat? Did a simple exchange between her and her mother really matter so much? Well, it did. It made what she had been telling herself over the past couple of weeks, what she had assured Maris of, and her family of too, really come to life inside of her head. The idea bloomed like a flower from a weed: she really did love her family, and they really did love her.
She collapsed back onto her bed, and turned to look at the mirror standing across from the bed. Her red hair spread out like fire on water against the blue duvet.
So what her parents and brother had brown hair and she had red. It should not matter so much, but it did. Somehow it never quite left her conscious thought and it was always there in the back of her head. She was simply different and there was no changing it. But it should not matter, because she really did love her family, and they really did love her.
“Do I care?” she asked to her empty room. “Do I really care enough to try and find my birth family and possibly hurt the one that I’ve had all my life?”
Arcadia rolled away from the mirror and squeezed her eyes shut. “Dear God, help me decide this.” She thought it couldn’t be as simple as talking to them, because telling them she had changed her mind and possibly wasn’t okay with being adopted would just hurt everyone, and she didn’t think she could hurt them like that. But she would have to eventually, right, especially if she found her family. But if it didn’t matter that much, because they all loved each other…then maybe she should not try to begin with. She rolled to her back, opening her eyes to stare at the ceiling. “Send me a sign, please, and help me out here, would you?”
Yes, okay, she would leave up to providence to help her decide what exactly to do. She would not go looking for the family she had never known, without a sign to do so, or without a great need burning up inside her chest, eating her alive. And if she did receive some kind of sign, then well, then she would tell her parents and her brother that she wanted to go looking for the people her made her, just to see, just to ask, just to know why she was there, just to know who she really was at the core of herself.
Her mother’s grocery run had turned out to be unnecessary, as they ordered Chinese found before Arcadia and her mother decided to go out to see a movie and grab some ice cream.
“So tell me about this boy you’re going on a date with?” her mother asked, licked a cone as they walked from the ice cream shop to the theatre nearby.
“Well, he’s tall, dark and handsome…oh my gosh, I just realized that when Maris left she said I was going to meet a guy I would like who’d be tall dark and handsome!” Arcadia exclaimed. “Anyway, though, he seems really sweet and he says that he really likes kids, so I guess that’s a good sign.”
“It’s always a good sign when a man is kind to something smaller and less powerful than he is,” her mother said. Edith smiled at her daughter, “So, do you really like him?”
“I guess, for what I know about him. I mean I did only meet him today. I guess I’ll have to see once I get to know him a little bit more.” Arcadia stopped short as she noticed a car pull into the movie theatre parking lot. She squinted, trying to better identify the driver, and groaned when she finally did. “Hey Mom, can we cut the movie short?”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“Um, you remember Lux Harris, the girl I don’t really like? Yeah, she just drove up, and I don’t really want to deal with her right now, and we’re probably going to go and see the same movie.” Arcadia found herself gripped by the shoulders, and her mother pulled her in for a hug.
“Hey, listen, you don’t have to deal with her tonight, and whatever movie she buys a ticket for, we won’t go to that one, it’s fine.” Arcadia pulled back and smiled at her mother.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“No problem, baby, that’s what I’m here for.”
Lux was still waiting in line at the box office when they were able to walk up, and they clearly heard her order tickets for the chick flick they had been planning to see.
“I’ll rain check you for later,” Arcadia whispered. But when Lux turned, she scoffed.
“Well, well, well, look who it is, the weirdest girl in school.”
“You know, that isn’t even that great of an insult,” Arcadia retorted.
“That’s nice, but I’m not the lesbian here,” Lux retorted. “So, why don’t you just go back to gay town where you came from.”
“Hey some people may not appreciate you using lesbian as a derogatory term,” said a guy waiting in line.
“Like who?” Lux retorted.
“Like maybe actual women who are lesbians, you crude little bitch,” he said. Arcadia and a good few people in line snorted and snickered at this.
“Whatever, I don’t have to take this,” she scoffed and walked into the theatre.
“Oh, I have to call up some people from high school and ask if I was that bad back then,” Edith said.
“I’m sure you weren’t,” Arcadia said, before turning around to face the guy behind them. “Hey, thanks for the support.” She offered out her hand, which he shook vigorously.
“No problem; unfortunately, there are always girls like that. She always that much of a bitch?”
“Yes, but it brings me some satisfaction to know that her gaydar is terrible.” He quirked an eyebrow beneath his dark bangs that nearly covered his eyes.
“What with you?”
“Well, with me, and the guys she tries to bag sometimes.” He mirrored her wicked grin.
“Ouch, you’ll definitely have to let me know how that goes.”
“So, Cadi, which movie do you want to see?” her mom asked, pulling her away from her conversation.
“Oh you can pick Mom, I don’t mind,” Arcadia replied.
“Two for Sky-Rocket, then please,” her mother said to the woman behind the glass.
“Hey, I’ve heard that’s going to be good,” the guy said. “I’ll catch you inside?” he asked.
“Um, sure,” she replied.
“Cool, see you there, Cadi.” Her mother began giggling before they even made it inside the theatre.
“Shh!” Arcadia exclaimed, gripping her mother’s hand tightly.
3/12/11 WC: 2027
Piece WC: 9460
Project WC: 28676
Still Reading: Gender Dilemmas in Children's Fiction by Kerry Mallagan